Classes from a Former Overthinker: Learn how to Begin Actually Dwelling

“Rule your thoughts, or it should rule you.” ~Buddha

I was trapped in a cycle of overthinking, replaying previous errors, worrying concerning the future, and mentally holding onto each thought, simply as I bodily held onto outdated garments, books, and my baby’s outgrown toys.

The worry of letting go—whether or not of bodily objects or persistent ideas—felt overwhelming. However I didn’t notice that this behavior of psychological hoarding was holding me caught in place.

The Nervousness of Letting Go—My Final Day of College

Certainly one of my earliest experiences with psychological hoarding occurred on my final day of college in 1996 earlier than my tenth-grade board exams. When my class instructor wished us “All the easiest, kids, on your board exams,” I all of the sudden realized—it was my final day in class. This thought had by no means crossed my thoughts earlier than, and it hit me laborious.

I’d spent over a decade there—eleven or twelve years—rising up, laughing, studying, crying, sharing tiffins, and residing by means of each second with my pals. The concept I might by no means return to that life left me feeling overwhelmed with nervousness and unhappiness.

On that day, after I returned dwelling, I couldn’t eat lunch, nor may I sleep nicely. I clutched my pillow tightly, as if I may cease time from transferring ahead. I saved replaying all of the moments, all of the reminiscences. The playground the place I ran and performed, the faucet I used to drink water from, the desk the place I sat each single day, the blackboard the place I nervously wrote solutions. However what actually gutted me was I might by no means see a few of my pals once more.

Again then, there was no Fb or Instagram to communicate. Should you missed a day in school, you needed to ask somebody in individual what occurred, what they did over the weekend, and what their summer time trip was like. College was the one approach to keep linked. I felt like I used to be shedding part of myself.

I missed my night’s Taekwondo observe. I didn’t even have the power for dinner. I simply went to mattress, however my thoughts was stressed, spinning.

The subsequent morning, I wakened at 3 a.m. I didn’t know why, however I felt like I wanted to run. So, I dragged myself to the stadium the place I used to coach. I ran with all my power, threw punches and kicks into the air, and set free loud screams with every motion.

Sweat drenched my physique, however I didn’t really feel drained. As an alternative, I felt the strain leaving my physique. As I sat on the bottom, watching the primary rays of the dawn, I noticed that point doesn’t cease for anybody. Each ending is a brand new starting.

This was the primary time I actually understood the ability of motion and mindfulness in releasing emotional baggage. I had been hoarding reminiscences, however by bodily participating with my feelings—by means of working, punching, and embracing the brand new day—I let go of the stiffness in my thoughts.

This was my first lesson on the age of fifteen: that generally, the toughest goodbyes deliver the lightest hearts.

Unanswered Questions—Studying to Let Go

In 2002, I confronted one other occasion of psychological hoarding, however this time it was about unanswered questions and emotional attachment.

There was a woman from my college days who had been greater than a buddy. After college, we misplaced contact—there have been no cellphones or social media again then. For 5 to 6 years, I by no means thought of pursuing anybody else, all the time questioning what she would assume if I did. Her presence lingered in my thoughts, holding me from transferring ahead.

Lastly, in 2002, after seven lengthy years, I went to the college the place she was working as a instructor. There was a perform occurring that day, and amidst the group, I gathered the braveness to suggest to her.

Tears stuffed her eyes as if she had been ready for that second, however she neither mentioned sure nor no. As an alternative, she spoke three traces, turned away, and left. I stood there, unable to maneuver, as if my toes had been rooted to the bottom. It felt like part of me had been left behind.

For days, I couldn’t focus on my research. My thoughts replayed these three traces again and again, trying to find solutions that weren’t there.

Sooner or later, whereas battling my ideas, I used to be hitting a tennis ball in opposition to a wall, misplaced in frustration. In anger, I hit it too laborious, and it rebounded sooner than I anticipated. I jumped excessive to catch it, however after I landed, I felt a pointy ache—a hairline fracture in my proper foot. The physician put my leg in a forged, and for forty-five days, I used to be confined to my dwelling.

Throughout that point, I had no selection however to sit down nonetheless. With nothing else to do, I turned my focus totally to learning for my CA-Inter examination. As I immersed myself in my research, I observed one thing—the reminiscences of that day not haunted me. With out realizing it, I had stopped trying to find solutions. I appeared for my examination quickly after my forged was eliminated and handed efficiently.

On the age of twenty-two or twenty-three, I discovered a profound lesson: Some questions don’t have solutions, and the extra we chase them, the extra they devour us. The hot button is to cease trying to find that means in each unanswered second and transfer ahead.

The Energy of Letting Go

A turning level got here throughout my company nine-to-five job. I felt like a chook in a cage, determined to fly however held again by uncertainty. I needed to stop and begin my very own enterprise, however I spent two years mentally hoarding fears.

What if I fail? What about my monetary obligations to my spouse and three-year-old son? The fixed loop of overthinking paralyzed me. I lastly broke free in September 2012, after I stop my job and have become a sub-broker within the inventory market. Letting go of worry was liberating. I not needed to be answerable to anybody, and I had the liberty I had all the time dreamed of.

This expertise taught me that, identical to bodily muddle, psychological muddle retains us caught.

One other highly effective realization got here to me in 2020 when my son insisted on shopping for a 55″ sensible TV. I had been holding onto my outdated CRT TV, the very very first thing I purchased with my earnings again in January 2006. It wasn’t simply an equipment—it was a logo of my early struggles and achievements.

I remembered how I had gone to Shimla for work in a buddy’s automobile and excitedly bought it on the best way. Although outdated, it nonetheless labored, and I clung to it, not due to its utility, however due to the reminiscences connected to it. Letting go felt like erasing part of my journey.

However in November 2020, I lastly gave it away to somebody in want and welcomed the brand new TV. It was solely then that I noticed that except you make area—whether or not in your house or your thoughts—new issues, new alternatives, and new methods of pondering can not enter. This lesson prolonged past possessions; it utilized to ideas, regrets, and self-imposed limitations.

Remorse is a Waste of Time—Classes from Skilled Life

I began investing and buying and selling in 2009. Again then, I purchased shares that had been buying and selling in two figures and bought them after holding them for a couple of days or months at a 5-10% revenue. A decade later, a few of these shares had been buying and selling in 4 figures, and the considered what I may have gained was painful. The remorse of “What if I had held onto them?” haunted me.

However then, I mirrored and realized that each resolution I made—each shopping for and promoting—was mine, based mostly on the circumstances on the time. Simply as some shares grew tremendously, others that when traded in 4 figures misplaced their worth fully. I’ve purchasers who name me day by day, expressing remorse about missed alternatives. They noticed a inventory at a decrease stage, hesitated to purchase, and later noticed it leap by 25% or extra. The cycle of remorse is countless.

Over time, I’ve educated myself to cease overthinking previous trades. Now, I focus solely on my current trades, whether or not I make a revenue or a loss. If a chance presents itself immediately, I act with out hesitation as a substitute of dwelling on missed possibilities.

This expertise taught me an essential lesson: If we can not change our previous selections, there may be no use in regretting them. As an alternative, we must always give attention to what we are able to do now.

The Greatest Lesson—Accepting Life’s Impermanence

The most important lesson I discovered got here from an surprising place, one which I by no means imagined would go away such an influence. Within the northern a part of India, particularly in Punjab, the place I stay, there’s a competition referred to as Basant Panchami, celebrated with a lot pleasure and enthusiasm. It often falls in January, and one of many key traditions is flying kites.

In 2018, the competition was on January twenty second, and the day earlier than, I went to the market with my youthful brother to purchase kites and strings. We had been each captivated with flying kites since childhood, and that day, we had been thrilled, filled with laughter and pleasure. We spent the morning enjoying music, dancing, and flying kites collectively, identical to we had completed for years.

However what I didn’t know, what I may by no means have predicted, was that day can be the final time I might expertise this with my youthful brother. In June 2018, my brother left this world, and that was the second I absolutely grasped the burden of what I had misplaced.

From that day till the Basant competition in 2025, I saved the 19 kites we had purchased that day, unable to fly them, as a result of they jogged my memory of him. It felt like if I flew these kites, I’d one way or the other be letting go of the one piece left of him. Every year, because the spring competition got here round, I might maintain on to these kites tightly, preserving the reminiscence of the day we spent collectively.

However this yr, one thing modified. At the 2025’s Basant competition, I lastly let go. I flew these nineteen kites. As they soared within the sky, I noticed that we had purchased these kites to rejoice, to take pleasure in life, and my brother would have needed me to do the identical.

Holding on to them, holding them secure, was only a method of avoiding the reality: life strikes on, and generally, the extra tightly you maintain on to one thing, the extra you lose within the course of. It jogged my memory that, just like the sand slipping out of your hand once you grip it too tightly, life too should be lived with openness and acceptance.

That realization hit me laborious: life is sort of a transferring practice. We’re all passengers on that practice, and finally, every passenger leaves when their station arrives, whereas others proceed their journey. Each residing factor on this Earth will vanish sooner or later. Holding on to the previous, to reminiscences, to the “what ifs,” solely weighs us down.

I had been hoarding my ideas and feelings for thus lengthy, pondering I may protect them and hold them secure. However this lesson—by means of the act of lastly flying these kites—helped me notice how harmful overthinking could be.

It was time to cease hoarding my reminiscences and feelings. Life is continually transferring ahead, and holding on too tightly to what’s gone solely prevents me from having fun with the current.

I discovered that it’s okay to let go, to free myself from overthinking, and to embrace what is going on now. Identical to the kites within the sky, my brother’s reminiscence will all the time be with me, however I’ve to stay my life absolutely, with out worry of letting go.

The lesson I discovered is straightforward but profound: cease hoarding your ideas, free your self from overthinking, and permit your self to actually stay. Life strikes ahead, and so should we.

Remaining Ideas

Freedom from psychological muddle is feasible. As soon as I let go of the ideas that not served me, I made area for readability, braveness, and progress. And identical to my profession shift, I noticed the one approach to actually transfer ahead is to cease hoarding and begin residing.

Elijahkirtley